matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
