i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
