porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
