also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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