i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
