I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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