I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
