I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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