Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
