living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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