You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Is Oprah even human
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
