you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Found your dick twin last night
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
