Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
