I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
