so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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