the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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