I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
