all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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