drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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