I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
