You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
