So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
