Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
