Screwed.edu
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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