i think i scared a bird with my dick
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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