you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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