Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
