I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
