I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
