hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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