i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
