God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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