Your dad touched me again.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
