I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
