the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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