just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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