Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
