ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
