I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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