What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
