His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
