It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
