I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
