The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
