yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
