How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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