Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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