Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
