I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
