I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
