so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
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Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
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I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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