Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Your dad touched me again.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
