WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
