Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
