why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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