I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
