i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
