I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
