Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
