look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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