One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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