just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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