I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
