I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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