if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
