pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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