The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
