I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
