I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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