Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
