i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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