I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
