and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
