If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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