if you like me you must not know who I am
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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