i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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